Why'd you have to say that?
by Whateversz
Summary: I'm the one who's always chasing you! I won! I was victorious! Why am I the one still chasing then... RinxHaru! Hope you enjoy. Shit summary from a shit author - -...lol... T for language...


Hello! First of I know about my other fanfic here with NagisaxEveryone but I just reeeeeeeeeeealllly wanted to do this fanfic due to episode 7i believe? It just made the perfect plot appear and well yea. But that one should be updated by this week! I hope... Anyway... The characters are OOC due to the way it goes down. Also if there is grammar errors, sorry I'm lazy... I never wanted to do this couple/like em only because it's like it's soooo mainstream. I know they make great fanfics together but it's like you know it's going to be so common that it's like oh whatever yea. But here I am writing this... Oh well... The more couples to write about the better right? Hope you liked it. Hope I made all the RinxHaru fans proud. Enjoy

Disclaimer: Yup I own free! Obviously, which is also why they're going to get down in the next episode, which would be 7 ;) LoL.

PS: Wasn't ep 8 great?! Rin was so jealous! What a drama queen. Just like an ex-girlfriend!

pps: I fixed the obvious grammar errors. if there's still some it's cuz im dumb and yea...lol...

**Rin: Ex-ex girlfriend?! What type of shit are you spouting you shitty author?! Kuso, stupid prick talking ridiculous shit.**

**Haru: But you are like an ex-girlfriend.**

**Rin: What? Asshole you want to start a fight?**

**Haru: -_- I'll break up with you have really be an ex-girlfriend. Is that more than enough for a finish to this 'fight'?**

**Rin: H-hai... I'm sorry! I l-l-l-love yo...u...**

**Shitty author: Hehehehehehe~ How cute, ne Rin?**

**Rin: *Blushing madly* What-the-fuck-ever... Just go to the shit written story already asshole...**

**Shitty author: Ok Ok geez, fucking panties in a bunch damn soon to be ex-girlfriend... Anyways enjoy! Hopefully...**

* * *

_**Why'd you have to say that?**_

Never…

Just a second, just a one second nightmare, and yet, that's easily enough to have Haruka Nanase panting in cold sweat while screaming. It's the same nightmare he used to have all throughout high school. He couldn't believe he had it tonight though.

It's been quite a while honestly since he's had that nightmare. By a while, I mean 4 years. But 6 in total since he's ever touched water for any other reason than to shower.

Even if he was a prodigy, a genius, it didn't matter. He swam for one reason; he swam because he loved it and how better than to express your love other than by doing it _freely._ Thus why he only swam free but, that stopped immediately in freshman year of high school. After he lost to…

He hasn't seen him in a long time. He hasn't spoken his name or even thought of the name for a long time. It's been 6 long years. Not to mention the fact that they were separated even long before that. So why did he have to suffer more? Why come back at all if you weren't going to stay? Why couldn't you just fucking never exist? Why, did I have to exist…?

Haruka Nanase is now 21, while also being a senior in college. He was never the type to be expressive but he of course did have feelings. Even if most people didn't/couldn't believe/tell, he had his close friends and swim club who knew and cherished him. So frankly, he didn't mind what others thought of him. Although, the one person he truly wanted to be there with and for, was the one person who was _destined _to lead him to his fall.

Now that sounds weird right? Fall? But that's how life works; it throws shit at you all fucking day long, 24 hours. 7 days a mother fucking week. It's annoying and painful. It's sometimes excruciating and so irrational. Yet that's everyday life and sadly, we're fucking stuck with it.

During their freshman year, after they promised each other to race again, Haru ended up losing. He didn't qualify for regionals but that didn't matter, it never did. What mattered were the words that were said to him after his lost to him… He's blocked out the exact words from his memories but he always hears that one fucking word so clearly… Never…

That word was the complete downfall of Haruka Nanase. See when they were kids, happily swimming on the same team, they once raced. _He_ was completely defeated by Haruka. So due to the heavy impact of that loss, that heavily weighed on him, he packed up and left to Australia. He went to train, all just to defeat Haru so he could move on and live his Dad's dream.

But what no one knew was how hurt Haruka was from that. Haruka's only reason to swim was because he purely, to the bottom of his heart, loved it. He was born to be a swimmer. He had the natural talent people would kill for. But was that really his only reason? It may have been to start with but that doesn't mean you can't ever gain a reason or two along the way…

From the first time they met, Haruka knew something was special, special about him and to Haru himself. He knew something would change and it did. His entire life changed. He didn't only swim because he loved it, he swam to see the person he admired and loved most, smile with and at him.

He fell in love at such a young age but knew it was something that would forever mean something to him. Just he didn't know it'd mean something like _this…_ The fact that you began to start swimming for someone else, the person you love, to just smile, yet be told from that very same person after losing to finally, say… Never… It utterly destroyed him, destroyed his heart…

Basically he was told he'd never swim with him again. That just caused Haru to have a mental breakdown. He thought if he lost, of course not on purpose, that they'd be friends again in the least. That he'd gain his true reason for swimming again, that he'd be able to see his smile and love him happily each and every day even if from afar.

He thought everything would work out… But it didn't… Everything just went to hell…

The natural born swimmer, the prodigy, the genius, lost his will to do what he was born to do. He lost his reasons. He gained a broken-heart… He gained the loss of the two things he loved most in this world at the same time...

They say time heals all wounds, but that's just a saying at the end of the day. Or maybe they just didn't specify that only if the wound wasn't that deep. But who knows… What we do know is that at 21 years of age, in a college that's far away and disconnected from everyone he ever called a friend or even family; Haruka left behind. He stopped swimming ever since that tournament freshman year…

No one could believe it. Haruka never stepped foot in water unless it was for a shower, not even a bath. He even forced himself to stop drinking the substance. He became depressed and detached from life its self, he just couldn't bear with it anymore.

So, he just escaped. He stopped talking to any and every one ever since sophomore year began. He threw away his cellphone and stayed home all day but then ended up taking multiple part time jobs and eventually studying so he could escape to a far off college.

He became immensely shallow and satisfied his needs with anyone who was willing. As long as they had the proper hygiene and looked good, he didn't have a care in the fucking world. He just breathed in and out every day, of every second, to just simply stay alive. He didn't _live_, he just put up, well more like he just _survived_.

If breathing weren't automatically done, he easily would've given out years ago. But since it's done subconsciously, he just managed to survive. Life was something that was completely pointless but deep down so painful for Haruka. He lost the basis of even having emotions. A smile, a frown, what the fuck was that? Expressions, yea fucking right!

It was devastating. It was just so sad to even witness, let alone live it. But he did live with it. So much, he forgot he was even living in despair. And to think, it was basically cause of one little fucking word…

Just as we all know, since life's a bitch that loves to throw shit, it threw something at Haruka again. But this time, like the last time it happened, it's obviously going to be a life changing situation… Even though his first love did what almost all first loves do, fail, it's going to do what some always do, come back with a bang. And even though it'll be completely cliché, it's still and always will be something that can and will always change a persons' life…

That feeling of nostalgia towards that nightmare was a sign, well more like a premonition. It showed him his face for a reason. Obviously there's only one reason, he's gonna see him after 6 long fucking years. And what better way than to meet him than right in front of his door step, right?

Even though this would usually scare or at least surprise the shit out of anyone, for Haruka, he merely treated it as if it were _nothing big._ They even made eye-contact and Haru for some reason felt that there was a sad, apologetic look _he_ had in his eyes, but he did the one thing, well I guess you would say some would. He completely ignored him and just walked off. Not knowing it hurt the other, because I mean seriously, it's been what 5-6 years? You should have some type of fucking emotion or expression. Even something fake would've been all right. Then again, would it…?

Walking at a faster pace than normal, (well of course he is) _he_ obviously ended up running to make sure he would catch up to Haru. Finally catching up with quite ease, he desperately, yet in such a cliché manner, grabbed Haru's arm. The grip was as if it were a life-or-death matter. Well in a way it basically is. Love kills…

"Haru what the fuck's up with you? I mean you obviously saw me. So why the hell did you just ignore me like that? I exist don't I?"

He was saying much, much more. But after that I exist statement, Haru just froze up. He just finally felt anger boil within him. He figured since he didn't express much, that everything that's been bottled up is now finally crying out to be said. But that's the one thing Haruka sadly wished for the most yet least in this world to occur.

Thankfully something inside him did finally snap. But the emotion that was let out, to his relief, was humor. He started chuckling then let out quite a long but not too loud laugh. Of course it confused _him_ but he still had the look of, are you gonna answer me or not? As Haru finally stopped laughing, he finally said something, thankfully with his composure intact.

"Me ignoring you? You don't exist? Ha, if anything it's I who doesn't exist. I'm the one who was clearly ignored. But who cares, the past is the past. I don't deal with it or anyone in it for that matter. No point in learning from unimportant history. Plus I have work. Nice seeing you after what 6 years or whatever? Later, _Matsuoka._"

Yes, that's the name of the person who broke Haru's entire world apart. Well half of it to be exact. His first name, Haru would rather just die to ever say it again. Or so he overly dramatically thinks.

"Matsuoka? What? What do you mean? The past is the p-… What bullshit are you saying? What about even Nagisa, Makoto, or even that damn Rei guy? What the hells with that? You can easily just throw us away that easily? I came here to wonder what the hell happened and why you quit swimming and now I get this too? What the fuck is really going on here? You've been gone for _6 years!_ Do you even know how worried I-…"

"WHAT?! WORRIED?! ARE YOU JOKING?! ARE YOU REALLY FUCKING EVEN REMOTELY BEING SERIOUS?! GIVE ME A FUCKIN' BREAK IF YOU EVEN THINK THAT'S THE TRUTH!"

In all of Matsuoka's years of knowing Haru, he's never heard him raise his voice, once. He's seen him annoyed, maybe even mad, but this was something different. This definitely wasn't 'Haru-chan'. Who, no what happened? What did I… Did I really do something? Fuck… I knew it… It has to be my fault. I was the one who…

Finally after some thinking, Matsuoka's kinda got it. It must be because of the relay freshman year. He's not slow enough to not realize this...

But what exactly was it? I did notice he stopped swimming but I just thought it was because of the loss and that soon he'd finally be the one chasing me… Why is it that I'm always the one chasing him? I won! I was the victor! I was victorious! Why did he fucking leave me and quit? Why won't he recognize me? What the hell did I do...?

As uncharacteristic as he could possibly be for even just a moment, he let out _a_ tear. It wasn't just one solely tear, it was quite a couple from each eye. But he couldn't help it... He still has his hand tightly grabbed onto Haru's arm but it's weakening from the emotion his body is heavily focusing on. He doesn't know what to even think now. Let alone fucking say something.

But Haru does it for him. He snaps again and does it for him…

"What the hell are you doing? Why are you the one crying?! It… IT SHOULD BE ME! Why are you selfishly crying? Those must be fake right? Just trying to guilt me when it was your fucking fault all along! YOU FUCKING LEFT ME! YOU LEFT ME! FOR 4 LONG YEARS! When you came back you ignored everyone but me! But it didn't mean I was treated any better. You selfishly did and said whatever the hell it was you wanted. You took away everything from me even before that by just swimming with me! You gave me everything and took it back without a care in the fucking world about me. So why the hell are you crying? Why the hell… Are… Y-you cry…..ing….. Why did you…

He couldn't say anymore at the moment. He's started and continuously having his voice crack and shriek. His tears keep running but they come and fall so slowly. As if they represent on how stuck in the past, not only Haru's heart and soul, but even his body. He wants to finish it. He's let out after 6 damn years. And he'll be damned if he doesn't say it all…

"W-why…did y…ou…have to say ne-….never? Why'd you tell me never again? W-why did you have t-to say that? Why couldn….'t…you just smile for me again. All I wanted…. All I just ever fucking wanted to do was love you! So...so… Why the hell couldn't you just let me?! Huh _Rin? Tell me!_

It shouldn't have been, it should've never been like this, especially on how this went as well. Why was it Haru who said it all so openly? Rin was always the more expressive type; the one to say and get what he wanted with such joy and passion, yet with respect and dignity. What the hell really did happen? I mean they obviously know but still… No it's now why or what anymore. They both know, it's more of, how could we let this happen…?

Since the roles are switched, Rin was still left speechless. He couldn't even muster up the courage to simply cough. Not even a scream nor a random whistle, nothing with a smartass smirk or reply. He didn't have anything to even express. He wants to so badly because if he doesn't it's the last time he'll ever see Haru. He knows he'll disappear even farther and much, much longer away than now. For Christ's sakes something fucking move… Please… Move… That's all he desperately telling himself now.

With a shove from, well _something_ out of thin air. He moved but a bit awkwardly. Even though it was awkward, it was just what he needed. The way he had himself positioned after the _shove_, his lips were oh so close to Haru's. But of course they were, I mean how could they not be? This is after all quite cliché, and way, way too cheesy to even be aired as a drama series…anymore.

But he didn't back off. He kissed him so roughly and desperately. He made sure that somehow, this kiss, will tell even the 'oblivious Haru' everything. Good thing this isn't the Haru of the past, even though he wasn't ever really oblivious, as he is now, it wouldn't hurt since it's obvious he's the least thing from being oblivious.

Haru received the kiss and even kissed back. It may be clumsy but he can't help it. His body is moving on its own and is so desperately triggering his consciousness, letting him know that this; is oh so right.

"Why… Why did you k-kiss me?"

"Isn't that a stupid thing to ask? I know you got what I meant to say. But just to make sure, I'm gonna tell you again. So listen up, okay?

As Haru closes his eyes, since he's expecting another kiss. Rin laughs a bit, kisses him on his cheek due to how cute and naïve/innocent he is and whispers a _little_ something into his ear…

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted how I acted. I shouldn't have said what I said. I don't deserve you. I pushed you away. Even though you did leave me too, it's still because of me. I won't ask you to forgive me just yet. I don't want you to accept my apology just yet. I want you to hold that pain and keep it as a grudge, even a sort of blackmail. I want you to only accept this apology when I prove it to you. And that's going to be at the very end. I was always the one chasing after you. I'm always going to be the one chasing you. So till very end, I'm gonna be selfish and even after that. This is gonna be my 2nd to last selfish request and it's gonna last longer than even a lifetime. So when I go first, after we've enjoyed years, and years of each other's company, you'll accept that apology. And then, finally, you're going to be the one chasing after me. Got it? I love you. And I know you love me. Again I'm sorry. But remember, you can't say okay till later. Now, again, as my last selfish request, come back, back home to me, to us. Please…?"

"Of course…"


End file.
